As Time Draws Near

I bid you farewell,
and something inside of me,
tells me I will see you again.

Like the Sun and the Horizon,
both gave me no timing of when it likely,
or whether it would ever be.

Something inside me tells me,
I will witness you again.
You will speak in those words to me,
and show me another direction.

But for this time, I know that I must surface.
My next breath is inevitable.
I see yellow penetrating from above,
I feel warmth as gold reflects on skin.

My soul tells me in silent speech, the sun awaits my return.
I must return, as I have always done.
To feel this time my lungs filled with Gold.

I rise up, my ascent is not forced,
it is my body and, that which is within my body,
that forces me to rise.
I need no help in this act, it is natural.
I feel my body swell,
and I feel that my body is surrounded by a compression of clear blue.
I can feel this pressing against me,
all around,
no part of me is free from this blue.

Above me is a sheet of moving liquid glass,
which is reflecting beautiful yellows down here where I am.
The color is clear,
there is nothing in-between except for the wonderful blue.

I can feel this pressing against me,
all around,
no part of me is free from this blue.
I feel the temperature rising, as I myself are rising.
I feel pressure above me, still pushing me down.
I am at the moment of my birth,
awaiting to leave the deep red canal.
With muscles all around me pushing me out,
keeping me within.

I stay for the present in this moment of rebirth.
Awaiting my first scream,
and the first breath that will fill my lungs with the Air of Gold.
My new flesh to feel the touch and the colors of you.

I cannot go on being the one who is strong.
The one who organizes everything that goes wrong.

I ask you time and again
I let you into my deepest thoughts
You cannot see and you do not hear
Anything but the market
You ask me to be your sister, your mother, friend, and prostitute
I am all these to you.

But I stay here still waiting for a partner
still waiting for some response

All you say is that you are sorry and these things will never repeat themselves
But every time, again and again they do
Should I feel guilty for something I have not done?

I have supported you through times I could not tell anyone
Again I ask myself why do I still stand strong
I need not hear an answer because the reply is silent
and is something I feel rather than something I can place words upon.

I am changing as I always have, there are things out there that I must search for,
I am not afraid to face those alone.
I am not afraid to be alone.
So why do I stay?
Why do I go on?

You are looking for different things
I have already searched my soul and I knew myself up to this point
enough to find a journey deeper into the knowledge of myself.

I recognize in you, maybe myself, but many years ago,
before I was a teenager, maybe before I was born.

You are scared to face what is inside of you
so you carry on avoiding the mirror at any opportunity
you blue your sight so you cannot see
You walk backwards so you cannot face God.

You used fluids to distort your vision
and now you use money to distort your path
I think that deep inside you realize exactly what you feel
but you are too scared

You should be scared your feelings of running away are just
because what we all face within ourselves
is a horror
Every demon is there inside of you and you must face
each and every one
I think that you also know that, once the floodgates are open they are open forever.

But it is for you to tame and know the devil deep inside
Your eyes must become accustomed to the dark
and you will see clearly from time to time

there are plenty of other things in life more important
than what you use to wash away the vision of yourself.
We must all be brave when we turn to face God
only then will you ever know who God is